Wondering Why?
Posted by Dr. Earl R. Smith II in Executive Coaching, Personal Growth, Thought Pieces, tags: adviser, advisory board, angel investor, board of directors, CEO, chairman, coaching, consulting, director, Executive Coaching, Governance, investing, investor, Leadership, leadership assessment, leadership coaching, leadership development, leadership styles, Life Coaching, management assessment, non-profit, nonprofit, Personal Growth, spirituality, turnaround, Turnaround Management, Venture CapitalDr. Earl R. Smith II
DrSmith@Dr-Smith.com
www.Dr-Smith.com
Many of my coaching engagements begin with a focus on the kinds of questions that a client has been asking themselves. It may seem strange at first to suggest that it is the question rather than the answer which is important; but that is the case more often than not. The seminal indicator that this is the case is the ‘why’ question.
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why am I so unlucky?
- Why does everybody treat me this way?
- Why can’t I live a life that I enjoy?
- Why can’t I find my true calling?
It takes a lot of heavy lifting to get a client to see that their questions are really the first challenge that we have to attack. We have to replace all those questions with ‘how’ questions.
- How can I change what is happening to me?
- How can I become luckier?
- How can I get everybody to treat me with respect and kindness?
- How can I live a life that I will enjoy?
- How can I find my true calling?
The simple change from why to how brings a fundamental shift in the way each client sees themselves. The why questions are for victims while the how questions are for people who are pro-active in molding their life. When you begin to figure out how to make your life better, you have taken a major step forward. Once you give up the status of victim and become the author of your own life, you begin to create that life rather than having others create it for you.
This simple change can bring a major shift in a client’s self-image. It can also radically change their behavior. I sometimes feel as if I have turned a precocious two-year-old loose in the world. But now, instead of why, the persistent question is how? One client rushed up to me in a restaurant and said, “My life has completely changed. Now every experience becomes a how question. I am always looking for ways to make my life better. I always am asking myself, how I can make it better.”
Always take care of your life, never let it become an accident already happening.
© Dr. Earl R. Smith II
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Dr. Smith is a proven senior executive, successful entrepreneur, published author and public speaker. He serves on boards of directors and advisory boards or as a strategic adviser to CEOs. Dr. Smith specializes in turnaround management, strategic planning, leadership development and executive coaching. He also works as an executive and/or life coach in the areas of personal growth and spirituality. He is the author of Amazing Pace: Turbo-charged Business Development – a book that shows how Advisory Boards can dramatically increase revenue. Dr. Smith is also the author of Dream Walk: Parables for the Living – a book of Raven Tales and exploration.
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