Comments on: What are the habits of self-sabotaging people?

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:21:25 +0000

I think this question would be interesting to pair with your other one – “How do you deal with high maintenance people?” I agree with Ricardo’s observations about self-sabotaging people. I have also noticed that because these individuals are sweating the small stuff, stop learning and listening and believe that things are too difficult, they also end up becoming high-maintenance which often re-emphasizes the self-sabotaging cycle (or at least somehow justifies it in their minds.)

Interestingly, I’ve noticed that particular *situations* are often the trigger for the self-sabotage. Perhaps the individual doesn’t “feel comfortable in their own skin” or just doesn’t know what to do and is somehow embarrassed, paralyzed or otherwise disabled to change the behavior.

I’ve yet to find someone in this situation get out of it without fundamentally changing the environment of where they are exhibiting the behavior – either they start interacting with other people, change the goal of what they are trying to do or end up having some personal revelation that causes them to see things differently. I wonder if it is possible to force one of these things to happen somehow…
Posted by Laura Paglione

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:52:51 +0000

Self-sabotaging behaviors that I have witnessed have generally been in a cross-cultural context. This makes one suspect that in speaking of self-sabotaging behaviors in general, we may in fact be talking about a type of culture-shock (not necessarily national culture, but, perhaps, individual culture vs. group culture).

Successful behavior under one set of conditions may be self-sabotaging under a different set of circumstances. So, the answer to the question would seem to lie in a certain degree of rigidity (lack of knowledge?) in the face of changing circumstances. This may also be related to fear of the unknown and a lack of self-confidence, where the self-sabotaging individual is more comfortable with entrenched behaviors and would prefer to stick with these rather than learn new behaviors that may also create an additional identity crisis (thus compounding the problem).

As with culture shock, self-sabotaging behavior can be dealt with by offering a support system that helps persons to adapt by making them aware that their condition is not an anomaly.

Such persons are like fish out of water. So, the most charitable thing one could do for them is to re-create an environment in which they can operate and feel comfortable.

However, one does not always have the choice to just walk away from such behaviors. In such cases, one may need to do some adapting in order to more effectively manage the undesirable behaviors.

Ultimately, as a leader, one is required to be flexible in managing different types of behaviors while maintaining team productivity. So, you’d need to ask yourself, “Am I being flexible enough?” (Not in the sense of accepting the undesirable behavior, but rather in the sense of managing it.)

Trevor Modeste, MBA, PMP

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:47:36 +0000

One of the traits of someone who’s hell-bent on self-sabotaging is putting down others. When you stir ……., that person smells of it.

Karen Fawcett

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:46:43 +0000

Paranoia, not trusting anyone including yourself is flatly self-sabotaging – People engage in this insulting behavior because they have been hurt in the past and are afraid it will happen again. They can’t get past it or let it go. It is crippling. It is fear and fear alone. ‘You need faith in God, in people and learn to trust again and then the fear will disappear. I will walk away from someone who keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Most of these people lie to themselves as well as others.

Barbara Ingetti

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:46:06 +0000

Self sabotage starts with the expectation that everything needs to be perfect. The pursuit of perfection has a few outcomes, one being the waiting game… waiting for everything to be perfect before starting – waiting for the perfect copy to be written before posting an ad, waiting for the perfect photo or the perfect letterhead, waiting until next week so we can start fresh, etc.before truly taking a step towards completing our goals. In this way, we self sabotage projects by making them more complicated than they need to be and never really commit to the process.

Stacy Nelson

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:45:25 +0000

Are you refering to behavior’s in one’s personal life or professional? Some overlap but others do not.

Nancy Cottam

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:44:37 +0000

The “why” is more difficult to answer. These folks are not nearly as self aware as they would have others believe. They have nothing else to live for and they love to share their views. They need to get a job and quit whining about averyone else being infidel’s and satanic. This is a real turn-off at cocktail parties, barbacues and while watching soccer playoffs with friends.

Padric O’Rouark

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:43:46 +0000

Haha. I work at a mega-corp, so the self-sabotaging behaviors get rewarded. As an example, having foresight is negative and always being in a firefight is positive (I know this is typical). I spent six months obtaining all the equipment I needed to get my project done, and my co-worker, the one who couldn’t plan the clothes he’s going to wear tomorrow, discovers last minute that he needs my equipment to actually complete his project (which is now overdue). So, he gets the equipment, my project gets “deferred” because it apparently was too much work for not enough glory and now he’s the glory boy.

So, I get ripped on because I tell my management how much time it’ll take to get a project done whereas my co-workers tell management half the time it’ll take to get a project done (I think they actually don’t know how to estimate) and then end up six months late with a stress level to boot. My projects finish on time, but I guess I’m just too boring for my management.

This sort of behavior being rewarded is why, in my opinion, you’re not going to see anything earth-shattering out of OnStar until at least 2015, and maybe not even then. This while our competition is getting new functionality every year.

Mark Schaefer

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:42:35 +0000

Suicide bombers, Not a good career choice and flatly self sabotaging. I generally walk away because they are a danger to themselves and everyone around them. The advantages are a short career before retirement. I think they are your apex in self destructive behaviors.

Padric O’Rouark

By: Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Dr. Earl R. Smith II — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:40:29 +0000

I agree with Shailendra,over confidence resulting not to listen others causes serious sabotage of oneself.This attitude pushes one with deadly results which are hidden initially but vrooms like a volcano at times…….
Posted by Amitabh Bose