We all make choices. Those who have money and power and suddenly want satisfying relationships they never bothered to build should be told what they so glibly tell the poor: take responsibility for your choices, buster, and work your way out of it.

Many of us also have challenges thrust on us that we did not choose, such as a child’s disability or being born the 5th child in a dirt-poor family or having a parent in prison. It is all too common these days for these categories to be misunderstood and mislabeled–for parents like Ms. Pollock to be blamed for their children’s needs, children to be blamed for their parents’ failings, and for the wealthy and powerful to be pitied for their “problems.”

I grew up poor, child of divorce, scorned by some because of that (never mind that I was well-behaved, made good grades in school, etc. “Child of divorce” was a handy label and reason to ignore what I did right and predict a dire future for me.) Against all the nay-sayers, I’m doing well–I have friends from way back (50+ years at this point) as well as newer ones; I have (so far as any freelance writer’s career is reliable) a good career writing books I enjoy writing. Our 40th anniversary is a week away; our autistic son is doing better than was predicted (though it’s still hard at times not to keep regretting what he can’t do.) I know my problems now (and we all have them) are tiny compared to what Ms. Pollock’s facing. I enjoy life, music, friends, beauty…and for that reason have scant patience with whiners, especially the privileged ones.

Your client? Spoiled little-old boy with a sense of entitlement who’s lucky he had you for a counselor and not me, because I’d have given him a whack upside the ego with a clue-bat from day one. Sent him down to a soup kitchen, a food bank, an ER to work as a volunteer, meet the real world face to face, and get over himself.

And yes, I’m a mean old lady when it comes to whiny rich guys.

When I started to read this post, I initially thought I indentified with your consultant. As I read more, your consultant sounds a lot like a CEO I knew. He used his employees to accomplish the organization’s goals but failed to provide any coaching or even a thank you to the staff. This CEO had the rule that the sales guy at the bottom would no longer be a member of the team the following quarter. Most consultants I know develop cumulative relationship; the sales guys and my former CEO do what is described in this article.

The response by Ms. Pollock is on target. I suspect she helped her company to success, her company released her, and now she wonders what went wrong. I understand this. When I think of cumulative relationships, I think of that CEO or sales person who asks the simple question, “What can I do for you?” with sincerity and offers to help pay the mortgage or provide some financial help based on Ms. Pollock’s contributions to the team. This rarely happens and to have an article about a consultant who feels he failed at creating friendships and needs help just seems to be dishonest and untrue for most of the folks I know.

I understand the comments by Ms. Pollock and Mr. Askew. Ms. Pollock and Mr. Askew are folks who if they came into a fortune would share it (even with the stranger who made it possible). While the consultant in this article would never share financial success with anyone, he achieved his success because of folks like Ms. Pollock and Mr. Askew – folks who simply want to do some good.

What coaching strategy do you offer for the likes of us? We want to do some good, make some money, and have created cumulative relationships because we care.

Thanks for a great comment – one that obviously comes from the heart. Some of the comments I’ve received remind me of work that I did with a CEO several years back. It took me a long time to convince him that he was on the wrong path. Much of what we attempt to become is inherited from our parents and early experiences – and most of that is a wrong fit for us. The CEO had to come to terms with the fact that the path he had chosen was not his own. He got more joy out of the work he did on the weekend. When he was younger he started a company that focused on wine but, as he went through school, the focus was on technology. In reality, he hated technology because it was keeping him away from his real love – wine. I had to help him come to terms with this – then sell his company – then get up the courage to follow his bliss. Now he is running a company that arranged wine tours and imports US wines to Europe and the UK. He smiles a lot more and can’t believe that he is making money without technology – but he’ll take it any day. My advice is find your bliss and follow it. Don’t worry about the money and don’t do something to make a big score. If you follow your bliss, the money will come. As I wrote in the article, the first steps are very hard – habits are fearsome to defeat – but finding your path is the way forward. Everything welse is marking time. Hope this helps, Chief

The future has arrived but there is a huge issue with my approach: there is no guarantee that the time to sow will come. Or that dividends will be paid. Today, I am unemployed and trying to start a business while going to school (again) to change careers… I am divorced and raising a daughter with autism… I do not qualify for any government help or program… So, today, I am not seeing the benefit of my approach.

At least the gentleman you’ve counseled has more than enough wealth today to invest in his “new approach to life”. He can now comfortably go and work on building “human relationships”, without worrying about success and money for his day-to-day needs. He has that freedom because he chose an approach to life based on his well-being and ONLY his well-being.

On the other hand, I am 41 years old and cannot pay the mortgage with my “human relationship gains”… and I have very little empathy for people with “problems” like the gentleman mentioned.