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The last half of our session was very different from the first. We talked about how he might free his mind from the tensions that were clouding his vision – small things that he could do for himself that would free up the dreaming and allow it to flower. It seemed to me that there was more opportunity before him than he was seeing – and, as we talked, he came to see that as true.
A Most Daunting Question
On the face of it, the core question seems relatively harmless. But most people spend a lot of time and energy avoiding it. “What is it that makes you happiest to do?” Early on, a friend told me, “find out what you really enjoy doing and do it as much as possible. It is the only thing that you have any chance of being really good at.” But the first attempts at answering such a question were very tentative – almost as if I was afraid of finding the answer. It seems silly that such a simple but important piece of self-knowledge should be so off-putting. I suppose philosophers and psychiatrists would chalk it up to a feeling of inadequacy. But the journey towards its answer is one of the most important ones that any human being makes – and it is a terrible shame to die before the answer is in hand.
The truly devilish part of all of this is that the answer – the definition of you own ‘true north’ – is within you right now. It is calloused over by all those things your parents, friends and teachers told you should be important – should be central to what you are and will become. It is not a matter of asking others – it is a matter of asking yourself. Maybe this will help:
Advice by Bill Holm
Someone dancing inside us
learned only a few steps:
the ‘Do your work’ in 4/4 time
the ‘What do you expect’ waltz
He hasn’t noticed yet the woman
standing away from the lamp,
the one with black eyes
who knows the rumba,
and strange steps in jumpy rhythms
from the mountains of Bulgaria.
If they dance together,
something unexpected will happen.
If they don’t, the next world
will be a lot like this one.
Find the Answer – Your Life Hangs in the Balance
It is so incredibly easy to let life flow away – not to wring the sweet marrow out of it – to find the true gift that it brings. Life can become that of an oxen – a domesticated animal condemned to pulling someone else’s wagon along a path that they have chosen. But that is not life – that is existence. It is surely a path from cradle to grave. But what a wasteful path it is.
Each of us has been granted a span of years. Each has a new chance every day we are alive to find our own personal true north. None of us is born with a map that shows us the way to those paths of fulfillment and joyous celebration of life. Without our own deliberate effort, it is much more likely that we will take the oxen’s path. The time for that effort is ever now – in the moment before you – not in the moment to come. You become because of what you decide – the moment to come is too late.
There is great joy in finding those paths – and in helping others find theirs. Nothing else that a human can accomplish comes close to that value – not wealth, health or salvation. Finding and following our paths that lead to our own ‘true north’ is what humans are made for – it is close to the very meaning of life.
© Dr. Earl R. Smith II
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18 Responses to “Life Coaching – The Propose of a Compass”
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Catalina, Thanks for a great comment. You seem to have grasped the vrey core of what I was getting at. Dr. Smith
Catalina Negru wrote:
Dr. Smith,
The first thing that comes into my mind when you talk about compasses are people we “listen” to. Models, idols, guru’s,mentors, several voices that we hear through our life.
Then going a step further I would think of these voices echoing in and influencing the set of core values and principles that help us navigate to our true north.The compass.
But as long as you don’t understand your true self and the inner voice is not awake, as long as you learn dance steps but do not find the joy of dancing the next world will be a lot like this one.
My best regards,
Cataline, Thanks for the comment – very good point. Please let me know what you think of the article. I do wonder about the ‘several compasses’ idea. I’m not sure that works. Most of my coaching engagements begin with clients attempting just that. One of our first tasks is to identify the one compass that points to their true north and disregard the rest at least for a while. I do agree that the internal voice is one of the most important beacons. Sometimes that voice is quiet – sometimes loud – but mostly calloused over by all the baggage that a person is carrying. I am a big fan of meditation as a way to hear that inner voice. Dr. Smith
Catalina Negru wrote:
Dr.Smith,
Triggered by your post I will read your article.
As a quick comment before doing this, I think is very important to learn to listen to yourself and make peace inside while trying several compasses. When that voice inside becomes loud and clear you will be able to recognize the one compass that points to your true north.
My best regards,
Willis Black wrote:
“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proclaiming, Wow, what a ride!!!”
Lawrence Polsky wrote:
Check out a book by 12 time author and friend Anne Bruce, Discover True North (McGraw Hill) a 4 week approach to ingiting your passion and activating your potential
Best,
Lawrence
Iris, Thanks for the comment. One observation – your true north controls you rather than the other way around. Dr. Smith
Iris Cambilargiu wrote:
Indeed, we all should find Our True North especially now a days…This just became a real fact to me; as a rediscover my best, and comfortable qualities; without any injury to my own identity. Am looking forward to have control of my True North soon. Thank you.
Happy Holidays to you as well, Dr.
Fondly,
Iris Cambilargiu
Thanks for two great comments – good discussion. To Janna’s point, finding ‘true north’ means, by definition, giving up the fantasy that you have constructed around your self-image. I think that is the base cause of most of the fear that you refer to. I agree with Mark that organizational context can block progress towards self-understanding. I organize meditation retreats and find that – given time away from that context – people can begin to work things out. Dr. Smith
Mark D. Sauter wrote:
Earl and Janna, I agree with both of you. The essence or meaning of life is the pursuit of our true north – finding our purpose and pursuing it.
The challenge many people face is discovering their north star, while being employed within an ‘organization’; organizations that lack a clear true north. Organizations, in this case, lack a sense of meaning, as do many of the people within them.
While some people have the inner-courage to step beyond this reality, unfortunately it’s too few. Therefore, in addition to helping individuals find their purpose, we also need to help organizations do the same. In turn, helping them create a meaningful work environment that allows individuals to grow (discover a deeper purpose) within it.
Janna Rust wrote:
Great thoughts. I’m also a coach (leadership/life) and love helping people find their purpose. It is definitely life changing and it is something to be discovered. Its funny how many people are afraid of the process.
Have you ever read the book “True North”, & accompanying personal guide “Finding Your True North”, by Bill George? The personal guide is awesome as a tool for self coaching. I would describe its essence as a tool to help discover leadership purpose.
Tim, No typo – the use of the word is intentional. A compass proposes a solution but not every proposal is the right one – as we all come to know with experience. Dr. Smith
Timothy Anglim wrote:
Earl,
Great story. Possible typo (purpose vs. propose?).
Tim
Thanks for two great comments – good discussion. To Janna’s point, finding ‘true north’ means, by definition, giving up the fantasy that you have constructed around your self-image. I think that is the base cause of most of the fear that you refer to. I agree with Mark that organizational context can block progress towards self-understanding. I organize meditation retreats and find that – given time away from that context – people can begin to work things out. Dr. Smith
Mark D. Sauter wrote:
Earl and Janna, I agree with both of you. The essence or meaning of life is the pursuit of our true north – finding our purpose and pursuing it.
The challenge many people face is discovering their north star, while being employed within an ‘organization’; organizations that lack a clear true north. Organizations, in this case, lack a sense of meaning, as do many of the people within them.
While some people have the inner-courage to step beyond this reality, unfortunately it’s too few. Therefore, in addition to helping individuals find their purpose, we also need to help organizations do the same. In turn, helping them create a meaningful work environment that allows individuals to grow (discover a deeper purpose) within it.
Janna Rust wrote:
Great thoughts. I’m also a coach (leadership/life) and love helping people find their purpose. It is definitely life changing and it is something to be discovered. Its funny how many people are afraid of the process.
Have you ever read the book “True North”, & accompanying personal guide “Finding Your True North”, by Bill George? The personal guide is awesome as a tool for self coaching. I would describe its essence as a tool to help discover leadership purpose.
Deb Pontes wrote:
Great article. Thank you!
Jose Gonzalez wrote:
Hi,
Is it difficult to find the true north without leaving something behind or just to accept that there will be another cost involved, time always change the way you appretiate the factors that keep you satisfied and after a while you find out you need a new place to be at.
Working as an SDM let me see every day how an event a conversation or a need ends up taking the time of someone else real interest No matter what it is, always will affect someone´s time, day and it could could be the final drop for a new True North.
So I started to believe that the True North is not a place or a goal, but how much you are willing to accept when a conflict is a upon you and what reaction you choose to let go..
To me always is, no matter what comes I will try real hard not to loose control in the moment, but I will always hold to the line that makes me decide that is time to go for a better place..