Dr. Earl R. Smith II

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69 Responses to “How do you deal with high maintenance people?”
1.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:22 pm e
Terrence Seamon: Ah…This one is not easy! They can suck the life out of you.
First, a deep breath . . . followed by a silent reminder that he/she is one of God’s children.
Then I make a deliberate effort to swing my focus entirely around to the person so I am not distracted.
I let them know how much time I have available . . . and when that time is up, I exit.
2.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:23 pm e
Craig Olson: 7 out of 10 people will do better somewhere else. Crack down via performance reviews and manage them OUT.
3.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:24 pm e
Jan Sather: I am really confused by your statement that can’t always avoid or marginalize them. Why not? Unless they are relatives. If they suck the life out of youl and you let them it is your fault, not theirs. Who is in control, you or them? It has been said that you are what you eat. I think you are who you work with or play with. If you sleep with dogs you get fleas. I helped a company grow from $22mil to $400mil over 16 years. As their primary search consultant I found 66 people for them in that 16 year period – they never once hired an average employee and we never let a prima donna (i.e., high maintenance personality) get through the filter. I am sure you don’t believe this since it appears you do not feel like you have control. In my family we fired my sister-in-law 20 years ago because she is high maintenance. Blood is not thicker than water. If you like direct communciations we should talk, if you don’t we should not. Read “First Break All The Rules” by Buckingham and Coffman.
4.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:26 pm e
Jann Van Hamersveld: First, frame the relationship, consider if the relationship has an end product that you consider of any value. If this relationship is required to facilitate a positive or continuing end result.
Start planning how to build your box, define what is acceptable production or behavior from the individual you are dealing with. Understand that most high maintenance relationships are based on a number of things for example, there could be things they bring in with them such as family problems, job insecurity, poor understanding, low behavioral IQ etc. or maybe you are not providing clarity on what you are willing to provide.
Build your box to the dimensions you need, you can build a time box, in which you only allow them in your life for the time it takes to accomplish your objectives. You can build a personality box that creates an understanding that if they violate the boundaries of that box, you will move on to someone or something else. You can build a box that separates drama from work etc…
5.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:27 pm e
Michael Kniat: “Since you can’t always avoid or marginalize them in either your personal or business life, how do you deal with high maintenance people?”
Actually, to a great degree I can avoid them and I can marginalize them – especially in my personal life, but increasingly in my business life as well. In fact, having had this experience more times than I’d care to recall, neutralizing the effect of high-maintenance people has become one of my top workplace environment concerns. I consider it a quality of life issue – and ultimately, a health issue. They’re NOT worth getting an ulcer or a heart attack…
6.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:28 pm e
John Tummolo: Unless you were hatched from an egg without parents and siblings… that’s life. Humans are inherently chaotic and an individual’s interpretation of “high maintenance” is relative to the individual’s perception of reality. Therefore, your “high maintenance” chaotic individual is most-likely perceived as “low maintenance” by someone else who views, “predictable, slow-moving bores” as an impediment and liability.
For example, “high maintenance” people complained about “imminent structural problems” long before the bridge collapsed. Had authorities embraced these individuals loss of life may have been avoided. The same analogy can be applied to the business world. Therefore, I suggest you embrace dissent, learn from it, leverage it and incorporate it in your life – which by the way – is in and of itself chaos… unless you have a better explanation for this world.
7.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:29 pm e
Suzanne Miles: From a work perspective – I have worked with many many many high maintenance people in my day – I have had my office filled with tears of life, anger from victims of life, confusion from mis-directed energies and general attention seekers. I feel that people who are high maintenance need to know the truth – someone needs to tell them the truth of their actions so they become more open to being coached into the direction and purpose that you have them employed with you for. I have personally had excellent results from listening and then giving my boundaries on how far I will go with them, then coaching them through. If they don’t “get it” I actually show them what they look like in this behaviour and how I feel when they don’t get it – eg: I walk into a wall and say this is what is like trying to help you understand why this behaviour is not acceptable. People of high maintenance can change but if we avoid them what good are they to our business & the community. As business leaders I feel it is up to us to show the way or show the door.
8.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:30 pm e
Stuart Wallace: Fire them and don’t look back.
9.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:32 pm e
Scott Lutwyche: Just be honest with them. Explain to them in short certain terms while maintaining good rapport (e.g. say it with a smile).
…and maybe get them a coach or send them off to a Tony Robbins weekend seminar.
10.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:34 pm e
Gerald Lo: We all have potential to become high-maintenance ourselves, I think, under the correct provocation.
I find myself sometimes having to struggle to emulate Terrence’s excellent example of remembering to acknowledge the Divine Spark in the subject, as well concealed as it might be.
My experience is that I can’t equate “high maintenance” to “malicious.”
Ignorance and disorganization are not in themselves bad traits, and being forewarned can imply a degree of being forearmed.
I try to divorce the behavior from the individual.
Therefore, to address the behavior (I feel) reduces to simply a matter of preparedness. I can’t make a calm person out of a chronically persistent hysteric. I can address those elements which might trigger such behavior.
If someone blows in with the wind, I find facing them with respect, calm and organization does not seem to hurt.
Knowing someone’s predilection for impromptu ad hoc winging it sessions, I feel it’s incumbent upon me to know it and take the proper steps to maximize the statistical probability of me having the desired inputs when we both leave the room.
It’s a little more trouble to anticipate it and prepare in advance, but I figure I would be down for it whether my partner was high maintenance or not.
This way, I feel inoculated against the chaos and drama when I produce the plans and keep the alternatives in my back pocket.
It takes two to tango, and as many to tussle.
I don’t get paid enough to fight with you, nor do I have sufficient training to change you.
When one is predisposed to administer a beating, I have found that taking the beating minimizes the duration of the unpleasantness, deserved or unmerited.
Fighting back rhetorically in the business environment appears to me to prolong the agony and takes more energy and commitment to bettering my opponent’s character than I presently possess. Unchristian of me, perhaps, but there you are.
11.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:35 pm e
Claudia Crask: First of all I am a creative and everyone, or almost everyone I work with fits that description. To some degree whether we are self aware or not most creatives are high maintenance. When I see “the snarlies” coming I try to gain mental and emotional distance, and that is not easy.
I try to find out what they really need, often but not always unrelated to their words. I do this by responding with direct clarifying questions to quickly cut to the chase. I deal with that response and set appropriate limits.
The main thing is not to get into a “back and forth” because often that is what people really want “the struggle”, “the fight”. I find that fruitless and draining.
Above all else I try to let them know that I am accepting or rejecting the activity not them or their attempt to communicate or contribute to what I am doing. Some things are just beyond the scope of my work, schedule, or focus.
12.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:36 pm e
Samir Patel: Fire them, you can always find high performance-low maintenance people.
13.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:37 pm e
David Kauffman: You’re only referring to high maintenance people who are not worth it. You have to ease them out, or they suck the energy out of you and demotivate the entire team. I spend way more time with the high maintenance people who are exceptional performers – they are at least worth the effort!
There are turnaround strategies for those people who are consuming lots of attention but not performing. If involves time and investment to see the underlying needs and reasons, but sometimes being listened to, then having the expectations made clear and measurable, can turn them from time-wasters to leaders…
14.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:38 pm e
Ann Zuccardy: For me the high maintenance customers are an essential part of my business. They remind me of what I DON’T want. They remind me to constantly thank and show gratitude to my perfect customers. We all have to work with high maintenance folks in business and in life. It’s impossible to focus on what we want unless we know what we don’t want. Difficult customers help me refine my definition of the perfect customer…and then I go after more perfect customers.
Often when I’m thinking taking on a new writing assignment I ask myself, “Would I want to have dinner with this person?” If the answer is no, it probably means we wouldn’t work well together and I move on. I’ve gotten over the “I have to take every new potential client or customer” mindset. My problem client or customer is someone else’s perfect match.
15.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:39 pm e
Rick Sanchez: This varies from situation to situation, but setting up time limits for meetings and phone conversations has worked well for me. Defining clear boundaries of the job is essential.
One particularly needy client was very uneducated in what he was trying to accomplish. I purchased a couple of books pertaining to his particular lack of knowledge and kept them on my desk when I met with him. I referred to the books during our meeting and then gave them to the client as a gift after telling him how much they helped me understand the process. It kept him busy, he learned a lot and it helped to settle his insecurities.
16.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:41 pm e
Gordon Dymowski: My tendency, when it comes to dealing with such people in the workplace, is to try as much as possible to focus on the task at hand.
As someone said earlier, they are deserving of respect, but it also means that I have to set strict boundaries. In dealing with such people, I also make sure that my communication is clear and concise. By doing so, I’m essentially “keeping my side of the street clean”, and making sure that there can be *some* productivity.
17.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:41 pm e
Robert Fornal: Minimize time with them and make sure that you have solid ground-rules for interaction in place.
18.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:43 pm e
Nicole Walker: This will probably seem rather vague but I feel very strongly that your high maintence people are that way because you have given them the power to conduct themselvesin this manner. Whether by turning your back or minimizing the issue at hand you have allowed this behaviour to occur.
Most times these high maintence peolple really aren’t that much work at all. You need to determine what motivates them and re-direct that energy. Perhaps by allowing them more creativity or assigning special projects. Acknowlegdment s usally key. Just like children will seek out attention with complete disregard to whether their actions net them positive or negative atention often times these individuals will do the same.
In dealing with this personality type it has been my experience that you must direct and factual. Let them know that while their skills are a valuable asset to the team, their behaviours tend to disrupt daily operations. Develop a specific plan of action for them and follow up on a regularly scheduled basis.
19.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:43 pm e
Alice de Sturler: I must confess, I have lost my patience more than once. I can let flurries fly once, twice, maybe three times, but then I ask for the manual. Literally, yes.
20.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:05 pm e
Rutger Smits: Depends:
- if they are employees and wasting your time, then they are wasting your money too, so fire them.
- if they are clients, ask yourself if they are worth the effort and either charge them (by the hour, they might become your best client!) or get rid of them
- if they are a friend, sit them down and have a heart to heart…
One way or another DEAL WITH IT
21.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:06 pm e
Cindie Smith: We are all High Maintenance to someone, depending on what time of our life it is. I have often relied on the couched truth for an employee.
“Can I give you some feedback? XXX, we like your work. Your behavior is less than desirable and it is creating issues. The following things need to stop, before we have to begin formal corrective behavior steps.”
22.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:07 pm e
Kasper D. Davidsen: I think you can see this as a Porters five forces of barriers and negotiation strengths.
It all depends on where this person is in your network…. if the person is some kind of competition, then you might need to work with barriers between you or your work, and this person. If the person is some kind of a partner, you might need to use negotiation strengths toward this person.
My personal experience is that if this person is above you hierarchical, then there’s probably not a damn thing you can do about their behavior, but barrier suggestions could be:
- “If you can’t beat him, join him”… Follow example, talk of his mouth, nod, smile and forget… (This probably won’t change anything, but you can actually learn a lot about your opponent, and if you do it right you might even have fun doing it
- Build a structure to manage (or rather bureaucratize) communication between his or you office. (Not really setting a good leadership example, but it might be necessary to move on)
- Remove yourself from the loop (Pretty drastic in your position but I’ve had to do so myself
If the person is below you hierarchical, you can use all the easy exits, BUT you COULD try to make sense of the person, get acquainted and figure out why this person does so…. Perhaps this person needs just a little help or guidance, or the person is really a very skilled person in f.x. creativity, which may just be a pretty bad idea to have in the financial department, but would be a great asset in R&D…. Perhaps this person is just different from you or his co-workers, and with the right team building or organizational development, he or she is the spice the organization needs to not get stuck….
23.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:08 pm e
Phil Bush: Its very important that you do the following, in my experience:
1. Never respond to emotion with emotion- look at the issue, not the person.
2. Ask clarifying questions on their issues so they might come to their own conclusions on particular issues or that they are acting in a high maintenance type fashion.
3. Ensure that, when you have given them a fair chance to work through their issues, that you make the determination if it is worthwhile for you to continue dealing with them.
24.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:10 pm e
Chuck Martel: Ferraris and Yugos are high maintenance; one is a lot more fun to drive. Trade out/up the Yugo. If a Ferrari, then develop/coach them into being less “needy” … the need comes from something/somewhere else that is not being met. Candidly discuss it and address it.
25.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:11 pm e
Bob Martin: I agree with Gerald Lo. The potential exists (or existed when we started out in our careers) to be a high maintenance person. Setting the course from the moment one initiates contact with a new subordinate or mentee is best. Respond to negative statements with positive ones – don’t reinforce negative behaviors. Let them know that they need to schedule time with you, keep the discussion focused, and don’t let the time exceed that which was agreed upon.
26.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:12 pm e
Kim Martinsen: I give her 90% of my pay check to keep her busy while I spend the rest on beer. Should this solution come short, which it does once in a while, I go fishing.
27.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:13 pm e
Dr. Franz Thiebaut: This is a very tough question!
If this is at work and the person is doing his/her job OK. Limit your time with them in a rigid fashion. This take discipline because it is easy to get carry away.
If it is a relative you can basically do the same more or less but it might be more complicated because of the emotional involvement.
28.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:14 pm e
Roderick Parks: High maintenance people are locked into patterns of destructive behaviour because they seem to work for them. They come in many forms, here are just a few examples: Control freaks impose on you relentlessly, basically because they are selfish. Those with “learned helplessless” impose on you having perfected the art of being lazy. A peer, or even your boss, who considers you to be a threat (usually because you are clearly better than them) will whip up trouble for you and try to dumb you down.
Unfortunately, there is no single solution for dealing with high maintenance people, because they are defining the rules of their particular game. If you play by their rules, they will win every time, as they are basically cheats.
However, you don’t need to look beyond a screaming baby to spot the similarity: they are acting like children. Essentially, you have to treat them like adult children – I don’t mean patronising them (though sometimes it might need to come to that if they are particularly thick-skinned) but by defining limits, just as you do with your own children.
So, for the control freak using language like “You make me feel bad….” or “I’m offended” you can always turn it around because they are imposing on you in an unreasonable manner. In its simplest form, how can you make anyone “feel” anything? Their feelings come from their thoughts and their thoughts are under their control, and nobody else! So throw it back! “How?” Get them to explain….they can’t because it undermines their position. Also, taking offence is a choice, usually with a motive. Remind them: “I’m sorry that you choose to take offence….”
Similarly, with the “learned helpless”, offer them help, but don’t do their job for them – give them just enough to learn for themselves. Few will feign total ignorance, as it’s demeaning even to them, so pull them out of their comfortable complacency. This may require sanctions – their behaviour is as addictive as any drug, but nurturing encouragement is usually more effective.
As regards dealing with the one who feels threatened by you – documentation is the key. Get any issue they raise fully documented, the more detailed, the better. As they have a pretext, they will usually be uncomfortable with such a process as they fear exposure for the frauds that they are. However, if it’s your boss who is feeling threatened by you, then quit whilst you are still ahead, because he can revise anything you say or do and the price you pay in terms of your motivation and career is too high. Quitting a game you don’t want to play is absolutely fine!
So, as a simple rule, just remember that the high maintenance person is just a baby. Once you have reminded yourself how pathetic they are, you have just reclaimed a bit of your freedom….. Take it from there!
29.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:15 pm e
Susan Otterson: It’s the Pareto Principle: the 20% that takes up 80% of your time. Even if you fire the 20%, someone else will fill the void.
30.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:16 pm e
Susan Ferebee, Ph.D.: I agree with the person who said we give them the power to become high maintenance. I don’t always catch it soon enough, and before I know it I have a situation that is demanding a lot of time with no productivity resulting. The key is to recognize the individuals first, then set extremely firm boundaries and stick to them. I have found that you cannot be casual or deviate from the boundaries with these people.
31.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:17 pm e
Amar Rajasekhar: Based on your definition of high maintenance (”people who are just more trouble than they are worth”), it’s clear that you have to cut your losses and ease them out — and give them accurate feedback.
That was easy !
Now you have to figure out how they made it past you interviewing and screening procedures. And, fix that so this does not recur. This is more important and harder to do than solving the symptomatic issue because you have to question your own management, recruiters and interviewers (who I assume are not “high maintenance”).
32.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:18 pm e
Arvind Rajan: Well, there’s a quick, easy answer, if they are employees–fire them. If they are friends,make new ones. If they are family–well, I have no answers
The longer answer on employees–assuming that (a) they are employees at will, (b) the costs do outweigh the benefits, and (c) you’ve documented stuff in writing, given them a chance to improve within a tightly defined window—is to let them go. Most managers I know hang onto problem employees far too long; once they let someone go, they almost always tell me, “Boy, I have done that months ago.”
33.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:20 pm e
Lou Gerrard: #@& ‘em!
Bypass all of that someway, based on where in the chain of command they are with you. If above you, you can turn to HR…or better still, keep searching for another company that can respect you.
Never let it get to you. Others in this thread said it right, make sure your doing your job right. Keep email replies to a bare minimum, “Here you go, see attachment” and let it roll off your back.
No one should have to put up with a bad work environment, regardless of the other person’s rank (above or below).
Work is hard enough in itself (if your dedicated), you deserve to be “happy”.
34.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:22 pm e
Lisa Kerr: For high maintenance customers who truly “are just more trouble than they are worth” I’d follow the trend that Sprint recently started and drop them.
35.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:23 pm e
Jana Molnarova: Answer the question, why do you work with these people? When you find that your investment is or will be returned, focus with them on the result you want to achieve. Do your best leadership for them. When you think your investment (money, time, other people cooperation) will not return, than fire them – you are not a social station.
36.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:47 am e
John Long: I believe people try and do the right thing. When something isn’t working right, I want to be sure they understand the standard to which they need to perform. It is very important to be direct, honest and communicating the expectation out of their performance and actions. Value the diversity in people and above all, value perspective. Then you can become a versatile manager that will be able to deal with high maintenance performers. Realize that one of the options is that this person may not be the right fit for the job, or the company. Job separation doesn’t have to be ugly, and often can help an individual understand their strengths and weaknesses, and get their carerr on track.
37.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:48 am e
Dennis Furr: As always, a pleasure to answer your insightful questions.
I think that these “high maintenance” people are seeking leadership. They want to know that there are policies, procedures and rules to follow. They need to know that these policies, procedures and rules will be enforced fairly. They need the structure that is a result of such policies, procedures and rules. If as a manager/director you exercise your responsibilities without prejudice and in a consistent manner I think that this sort of personality will be satisfied and settle down.
It’s then a matter of separating the wheat from the chaff. If you have provided a working environment that is structured and fairly managed but these sort of people are still insecure then, especially for those that are “more trouble than they are worth”, perhaps the job just isn’t suitable and they should be so advised. There are however high maintenance people that are also high output people. There should be special attention paid to these people as often they, with a bit of grooming, are excellent supervisor/management candidates. They are rule followers and once settled, typically are amongst the most loyal.
Concerning this last category of high maintenance staff, they may be seeking a mentor. Perhaps they want/need guidance to satisfy a deeply seated personal or professional objective. In this case, this behaviour is actually admirable, they just didn’t communicate well. For that they could be forgiven.
38.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:48 am e
Sabine Warford: I would group high maintenance people into two categories – those unwilling to change and those who can be guided toward change. Generally, a healthy dose of positive energy takes care of the first category. People who chronically like to vicitmize themselves quickly withdraw when they find that you will not affirm them in their victimhood but rather encourage them to look on the bright side. In other words, if you take their sounding board away they’ll find someone else to unload on. If the person has a ‘poor me’ attitude but shows willingness to change, a coaching approach can in most cases help them to discover the source of their issue and improve the behavior.
39.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:49 am e
Inez Stiekema: I don’t!
40.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:51 am e
Mukund Toro: I have usually tackled the problem in four steps.
One, hear out. I have seen that high maintenance person usually has a victim mentality saying “I have been wronged” once or many times over. Just hearing them once in a while works sometimes.
Two, counsel. Generally such a person tends to mix up issues, trying to apply right solutions to a wrong problem. I have counselled people to sort out priorities and accept some facts as they are.
Three, ignore. If these two do not work, I would conclude that the high maintenance person is just an attention seeker. In such cases I would ignore this person.
Four, let go. If he / she probably wants to compensate for lack of performance by seeking attention, I would let the person find another job. This would be the last resort.
41.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:52 am e
Will Westley: This type of person needs to know in very clear terms where they fit in the relationship, no matter whether in your personal or business life. Their purpose, tasks or goals need to be set out to them in a way that allows them to monitor their own progress within the group. They must also be told firmly how their behaviour impacts on you and others and how positive behaviour will result in reward but negative behaviour will ultimately lead to exclusion. If they value your relationship they will seek to work within the boundaries. If their expectation is different they will quickly leave you alone.
In this way you establish and maintain control of your time and their relationship with you.
42.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:53 am e
Sanjay Negi: How come you don’t have “High Maintenance” people in Japan.
Dr. Eric Berne would define high maintenance people as those needing more stroking of their “Child Ego” states. Once we figure that out, they ought to be infinitely more easy to deal with and even exploit than a straightforward professionally competitive “Adult” ego state.
Of course this would only “resolve” one local problem at a time…as a society we have to inquire why we provide a nutrient rich fertile soil for the proliferation of such imbalanced personality types.
It may be more of a cultural thing rooted in customs like hero worship leading to clear winners and losers. A primordial sub-conscious fear of ending up as a loser may be stimulating high maintenance behaviours.
43.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:54 am e
Maz Iqbal: I have a very simply credo that I strive to life as fully as I can. It goes like this ‘first time you treat me badly shame on you. Second time you treat me badly shame on me.’.
How do I live it? By being straight with people: I make it clear what I am and am not up for. I make it clear what attitudes and behaviours I will and will not accept. I make it clear what people can and cannot count on from me. And if anyone crosses the line, I have that difficult conversation. Of course, you have to have the courage to do what needs to be done. To have the difficult conversations and ultimately to walk away – to sever the relationship/interaction.
Finally, please remember that in relationships we tend to get the behaviour and results that we accept. We are accepting and in fact encouraging behaviour that we do not like, when you and do not tell the person what we do and do not like about his/her behaviour and what we are and are not willing to accept.
44.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:55 am e
Shabeen Yadav: I begin by treating them like children, pamper them for a while (and a while depends on how important they are in the current context e.g. if they’re your star performer but have this tendency as well). Sometimes with the extra attention they they just shape up.
If that doesn’t work, after a while, I’m just honest with them and outline the negative outcomes there behaviour is having on the team, me and on teh perceptions surrounding them. The last consequence does kind of wake them up to the reality. This often reduces the problem but it never really does go away.
45.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:57 am e
Sheilah Etheridge: As rule these people want attention. They are no different than a child. They don’t care if it is good attention or bad, they just want it. I have no time to deal with them.
More often than not I will tell them about themselves. There is nothing that will get results faster than to remind them the work place is not a center for validation. That is what their friends and poor spouse or significant other is for. Their behavior will not be tolerated and if they cannot live with that, then adios.
Life is far too short to spend my time vaidating others because they like to hear how wonderful or misused they are. Life is not fair they need to deal with it.
46.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:59 am e
Robert Entrican: It is the responsibility of anyone in leadership positions to ensure everyone has an opportunity to succeed. Difficult to manage people, especially arrogant close minded software developers, must be placed in a job function where they can make a constructive contribution to the overall company mission. Termination should be considered once it’s obvious the resource in question has no will or motivation to do a good job for the company or worse, they seem determined to undermine the morale of an entire department of people.
I’ve had a lot of success using Radar charts to document a person’s skills which can be measured within any specific area such as software development, marketing, sales, operations, people skills. The radar chart assists the resource in identifying visually with those things which they do good and those which need improving. People usually respond well to visual aids as a means to absorb and comprehend information.
47.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:00 am e
Jacek Szymczyk: Eric Frank Russell said: “Treat something like a god and it becomes your slave”.
48.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:03 am e
Michael Weinstein: High Maintenance people are tough. While I know that sometimes it is a pain to deal with these types of people, I have found that once you make them happy, they are loyal to a fault.
My advice is to do whatever it takes to make this person happy (within reason).
Once you do, you will find that they will always reccomend you to their friends and compadres…who probably also know how demanding they are.
I have many high maintenance people in my personal and business life. As long as the requests/requirements are reasonable (or understandable), and as long as this person treats you with respect, then you should try to make it work…..
49.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:06 am e
Ravi Kiran: In my modest experience, some of the highest maintenance people are also the most brilliant. It’s my impatience which often comes in the way of engaging proper;y with them. If I manage to create a role around their biggest energy investment, and give them space, more often than not, they become super performers.
Firing is an easy solutions and easy solutions seldom work in today’s world when it comes to people.
50.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:07 am e
Richard Bewley: I do not think the ‘correct’ answer to this is fire them, nor do I think the ‘correct’ answer is work with them.
I think the situation has to be evaluated. Ultimately, I think most people can be related to, given the effort. And yet, there is a business to be running in a functionally effective manner.
When dealing with ‘difficult’ people, thought and feeling empathy is important. They usually aren’t malicious. They usually have specific needs to be addressed. An effective manager will understand the thoughts the ‘difficult’ person has as well as try to understand the feelings involved (on both sides).
And, suspicions must be confirmed with direct confrontation. Respond to them in creative ways that help you to understand where they are coming from, but also that cannot mushroom the conflict. “So, it sounds like you feel frustrated by this project…”. It opens the door to actually discussing the underlying issues.
I think one of the things useful in making the evaluation is how well the person responds to addressing the situation bluntly. If the only response you can ever get, no matter what said, is a defensive one, the person is probably not going to be workable. If they are, you have your opportunity.
51.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:08 am e
Bart Leahy: I pause, let them let loose with a barrage of high-speed stress talk, and then I ask, “Okay, can I ask a question now?” Humor does a world of good for me in these situations.
52.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:09 am e
Jason Carey: Depends on whether I’m their manager, direct report or colleague, but I start the same way as I would with anyone I deal with.
1. Establish a goal/desired result
2. Define success in achieving that goal/result
If they report to me, I tend to cut to the chase and say I need X by DATE. Let me know if this is realistic and what you need to make it realistic.
If I report to them, I tend to go w/the flow while with them, then do my best to put my head down and get them what they want.
If they’re my peer, I humor them then tell them I’m working on something for my high maintenence boss and need to assign it to my high maintenence direct report, you’ll have to excuse me, I must run.
If all else fails, ignore them. They hate that.
53.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:10 am e
Jodi Blackley: If the cost outweighs the benefits when connecting with such personality types, then the question should be altered to be, “Why continue to engage with such people?”
I tend to set strong boundaries with such people. I remain courteous and accessible, but I refuse to allow them to take advantage of my good nature.
54.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:11 am e
Dave Hildebrandt: As a person who HAS to help people, I find out what they need and empower them to get it for themselves if I can, otherwise I protect my own time and cut my losses.
55.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am e
Ghada Richani: I would set up a limited time during the day that I would dedicate for them. I would let them know that this is their only window of opportunity to get things sorted out. I will enforce the time limit by excusing myself when time is up.
56.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:13 am e
Dr. Shaun Jamison: Keep asking questions to help them solve their own problems (re: coaching). Provide them with resources and training as appropriate and set boundaries. Check your own perceptions and actions to make it’s not YOU who is the problem. Set aside time to deal with the problem. Be honest with them and work out a mutual plan for change.
57.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:14 am e
Anita Anderson: When I was a Director, I had two very high maintenance individuals on my team. One added little value to the organization and so I “managed” him out of the group by a variety of “creative” marketing techniques. The other was valuable in that others on the team tended to follow this person. I was very honest with this person and told them I considered them “high maintenance” and that we needed to come up with a way to make his/her value equal the amount of work it took for me to manage them. This person was shocked that I thought they were high maintenance — but a day or two later, came to my office and said they were ready to “work things out” — sometimes people don’t know how they are being perceived unless they receive some blunt and often times difficult to deliver, feedback.
58.
August 4th, 2007 at 2:56 pm e
Howard Halpern: I recently got rid of such a client, who was also a personal friend. This enables me to answer both of your questions. On the business side, I made it clear that I would raise my fee in order to compensate me for the voluminous amount of time the client took up. I did not reject the person; I just proposed a prohibitive fee increase, and the client declined my offer. Hence, I did not have to reject anybody.
Personally, what I do when there is a significant problem is immediately confront the person, politely, and try to resolve the problem. This way, I avoid accumulation of stress. In the above case, it was evident that the other person was not willing to budge, and the relationship dropped off by itself.
As a result, I am infinitely happier in both my business life and my personal life.
There is no reason to have friends or clients who are problematic. There are enough non-problematic people in this world. Why devote time, effort, energy, and resources to people who are cost-ineffective and pain-inducing. Yet, I see it happening all the time!
BTW, my comments are, in part, a result of the fact that I have an MA in psychology and also a counselling practice (which I have purposely not emphasized in my profile, but which is described in the site linked below).
59.
August 4th, 2007 at 2:58 pm e
Vinay Deshmukh: I think it would be easy to succumb to the temptation to manage them
out.However I think you need to go to the bottom of the issue.
The issue,in my view could be one of the following.
1.Low potential
2.High potential , low performance
To gauge if the issue is that of low potential, you want to look at their past academic and work background. You want to consider transferring them to groups that do not need as high a potential.
If it is high potential but low performance, you want to mentor and coach
the employee. Also dive deeper into systemic issues that may be hindering performance such as unsupportive colleagues,lack of tools ,
lack of training etc. Once you have drawn up the list of issues , focus on
the top 20% that account for 80% of the performance issues.
Make sure that your own assesment of the employee is fact based
and is not driven by likes,dislikes,prejudices and hearsay information
and that you yourself have the skills to adapt your management style to
the situation at hand.
Also if a low potential person was hired to do a high potential job you
might want to review the hiring process.
Finally the management style you want to adopt would be -
1.Low potential – High direction,low support.
Basically tell them what and how to do.
2.High potential,low performance – High direction,high support
Micromanage them but also provide very good support.
60.
August 4th, 2007 at 11:17 pm e
Bob Older: I read a few of the responses connected to this question, but I didn’t really see anyone look for a little more clarification. There needs to be a little difference depending on what level of person this high maintenance person is. Are they an employee? A customer? a prospect? Obviously, as several people alluded to, if they are an employee, weed them out they could and normally do become a cancer to the rest of the organization. IF they are a customer, you need to figure out how often you interact with them vs. their life-time value as a customer. Which outweighs the other. Same with a prospect, except if they are only a prospect, I usually try to eliminate them quickly, because that situation tends to always get worse if it starts that early.
61.
August 4th, 2007 at 11:19 pm e
Nick Benik: There is a show on the National Geographic Channel which could provide you valuable insight into the high maintenance people, it’s called “The Dog Whisperer” and stars Cesar Millan, a “Dog Psychologist”.
Evolution has influenced the nature of dogs to form, live, and act in “packs”. In much the same way, humans have also formed “packs” to accomplish complex feats that they could not accomplish alone. The difference is that many times we call our day-time packs “jobs”.
Just like in the wild, human packs have a hierarchy composing of Alpha’s at the top, followed by Beta’s, followed by “the rest” of the pack. This structure not only occurs within your company, but also in the business playing field as a whole. Now when interacting with high maintenance individuals try to think about the what the equivalent activity would be in the wild.
Is an Alpha dog coming to you (a Beta dog) and freaking out because, internally they really aren’t Alpha and are scared of the other Alpha dogs in your pack? Is an Alpha dog from a weak pack coming to you and your pack for help? Is a Beta dog coming to you (an Alpha dog) because he’s just freaking out about things in general? A final thing to remember is that over-expression of aggression is many times a result of internal fears.
With all the previously mentioned examples there is only one thing to do, be an Alpha dog, be a pack leader! Now I’m not advocating you go Machiavellian on them, nor to mark your territory by pissing all over them, but you must effectively – and without leaving any doubt in their minds – let them know you are the Alpha dog in that interaction. Once the they have accepted and become conferable knowing who the Alpha dog really is they will become more relaxed and less needy/stressed.
Granted, things get a bit more complex when the other party has regressed to using aggression to mask their issues. It gets even more hairy (pardon the pun) if the high maintenance individual is also in an Alpha dog position relative to you. Regardless, one confident comment can even put an aggressive, Alpha-positioned person in their place, “Don’t tell me what needs to be done. I KNOW what needs to be done. You didn’t hire me because I’m incompetent, right?” The aggressive return should match their level in intensity (just like in dog training) and the final ending challenges their authority and at the same time confirms their official position (which can really put a mind trip on a Beta dog).
JUST BE SURE YOU ARE REALLY DEALING WITH A BETA DOG FIRST! If you (a Beta dog) are ACTUALLY dealing with an Alpha dog and try this, expect what a real Beta dog in the wild would expect, to get bit BADLY.
For more insight into this I’d suggest raising a high-energy, independently-minded Northern Breed dog (like a Husky or a Belgian Malinois). After learning to train the difficult Northern Breeds you can graduate to the training manual for humans, called the DSM-IV.
62.
August 4th, 2007 at 11:20 pm e
Gil Vassoly: Let them go…
63.
August 5th, 2007 at 9:14 am e
Mike Clarke: Sadly, not all people behave as we would like, or even as we do. If however, we let that change that our behaviour, then all behaviour deteriorates over time.
I would explain to someone that, in my opinion they are being ungrateful, but not let that change my interactions with them. Or at least I’d try!
64.
August 5th, 2007 at 9:16 am e
Hari Panicker: I have found most of them of high energy levels.Can be utilised as super machine guns.Certain habitual bottlenecks create the imbalance and build up a fault line. It will be helpful if we are sympathetic to and stay alert on the bottleneck to avoid surprises.
These people, probably, are unrealistic and miss 80/20 principle and do not perform important tasks in good time before they become urgent (Covey’s third quadrant)
65.
August 6th, 2007 at 6:08 pm e
Cuong Nguyen – These people impact negatively the health of the team or the company. Make them quit or get rid of them using whatever tool you have available, e,g, performance review.
66.
August 6th, 2007 at 6:09 pm e
Michael Weinstein – Great Real life experience.
I am on a strict diabetic diet. I chose to alter my eating habits since I was diagnosed as a diabetic, rather than take any medicine (and I have kept my glucose levels down).
when I go out to eat, I have to be very particular about the food I eat.
1 out of 3 times that I order, the waiters and waitresses roll their eyes at me when I go through the special order that I have given. Apparently I am high maintenance.
Context and perspective changes a person from high maintenance to a normal person.
I try to ask people why they need things a certain way, so that I can help them. Ultimately, that gets me more sales….b/c ultimately, I am a salesman.
67.
August 6th, 2007 at 6:10 pm e
Heather Berry – I don’t believe there is a right or a wrong way to handle ‘high maintenance’ individuals. Ultimately you need to appreciate and understand them as much as they need to understand and appreciate you. If you take the time to ask them “what makes you tick” perhaps you can turn that high maintenance person into a low maintenance employee w/ a high level of passion to succeed at any given project you present to them.
68.
August 8th, 2007 at 9:51 am e
Daniel Crompton – That depends, if you like them you usually accept the high-maintenance and deal with them. They probably don’t even seem high-maintenance to you, because you like them.
It’s the ones I dislike that are the problem for me, I usually avoid them like the plague. However in the cases where this is not possible – such as needing them to approve my work – I try to make my contact with them as short at possible, stoking their ego as much as I can and making them think my ideas are their ideas.
High-maintenance people usually feel they are worse than they are, so they need to feel better about themselves. So it’s not so much stroking, and more bolstering their egos, if they feel you are slightly more appreciative of them they will do their jobs better.
Calling them high-maintenance, even if it is just to yourself, is reinforcing a negative image of them on yourself. This will reflect in your behavior towards them. That is what I mean in the first paragraph; if you like them they aren’t high-maintenance.
I’ll take the wiktionary quote as an example: “He [Bob] has this incredibly high-maintenance girlfriend; if he doesn’t tell her that he loves her every five minutes, she tends to break down into hysterical depressive weepy fits”
If Bob himself reinforces in his mind that his girlfriend is high-maintenance she will pick it up in his behavior. This will make her insecure and result in a higher-maintenance girlfriend.
69.
August 9th, 2007 at 9:31 am e
Delton Henderson – I have developed a system for oversight check points which will insure that goals are being met. For the high maintenance person, one approach is the soft question “show me.” Chances are if you position such a person that they feel inpowered (if over nothing other than their own perception) then you will gain enormous leverage and reduce the stress of having to deal with the extreme behavior. Hope this answer is a positive contribution to the discussion.