Dr. Earl R. Smith II
Managing Partner, The Federal Circle
DrSmith@Dr-Smith.com
Dr-Smith.com
This might seem like a strange idea at first – giving yourself permission – but, once you think about it some, you will realize that it really gets to the core of how you live – and decide to live – your life. Begin with this simple idea – you are the gatekeeper of your own possibilities – you determine what is possible for you.
Now, before you go on about the limitations of this mortal form, stop and remind yourself that what is important here is that you take leadership in – and responsibility for – your own personal growth. We are dealing with questions of spirituality not theology – and the core question is not whether, by the end of your life, you have learned how to live forever – it is whether during your life you’ve made the most of the advantages that you had.
In my life coaching practice I encounter people who have never given themselves permission to sing or dance. If I ask them if they sing or dance they say no – but if I ask them why they don’t sing or dance, the responses get less definite. Many times I introduce the idea of ‘leadership style’ or ‘leadership development’ – what kind of a leader are you being when it comes to deciding how to live your life? Initially the question brings a blank stare but, after some work, the real meaning comes clear. You see, life coaching – indeed any coaching or advisor role – is a matter of helping a person accept that they are the author of their own life – they are the gatekeeper to their own possibilities.
One of the more delightful people that I have met in my journey through life is the American poet Robert Bly. He as written many great poems and a very valuable book – ‘Iron John’. One of his personal quirks is that he just can’t seem to end a seminar, meeting or gathering without singing something. He always brings some ancient instrument and sometimes this leads to dancing as well. Robert has an exuberance for life – just like all of us – but he has given himself permission to experience it and to show it to others.
Like Bly, we all have the exuberance for live bubbling inside of us. When you stop and think of it, it is a pretty amazing thing to be alive – and to be aware you are alive. But Robert has taken that great first step and given himself permission to experience that exuberance – and to let that exuberance show.
Hey, in the end what have you got to loose? When your ass is cold there will be plenty of time for withholding permissions. But for now warmth should be on the menu – the warmth of singing and dancing – the warmth of connecting, giving and receiving – and the of giving yourself permission to feel alive. Thinks about – but not too long – the grains of sand are running as we speak.
© Dr. Earl R. Smith II
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11 Responses to “Giving Yourself Permission”
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Clare, You are so right when it comes to forgiving yourself – it involves giving yourself permission to be human and to err on occasion. Dr. Smith
Carol, Thanks for a very insightful comment. We may be dealing with differences of semantics. I believe that giving yourself permission to try something new and different – particularly when you come to believe that the approaches you have been following are not going to get you to the next stage – is very important. Living outside of work is so important. A balanced life is a source of renewed energy and fresh ideas. Dr. Smith
Clare Platt wrote:
I enjoyed this article and I believe that far too many people don’t give themselves permission. Permission for many things – to laugh, sing, and to forgive themselves for mistakes. This can be very liberating. I have found it so, especially as I move ahead in my career.
Carol Wyatt wrote:
When times are challenging, it’s not so much about giving myself “permission” as giving myself “encouragement” – mentally taking a deep breath, squaring shoulders, standing tall – and then looking for the opportunity or upside in whatever the latest challenge is.
At the same time I found that I have recently actually given myself permission …… to live a life outside of work!!
Ravindra Sharma wrote:
Dear Dr. Smith,
Excellent topic once again.
In my growing up years I used to imagine following the ways of one of my father’s junior colleagues ways as he forever appeared better placed in terms of public acceptability and material luxuries available. Yet the first opportunity I got in corrupting myself my reaction was too fierce even to my own calm nature.
This I understood years later a result of ethical orientation and wishful attractions. The gate refused to open to allow venture in unknown.
This Permission is crucial while differentiating risk taking abilities of individuals sometimes mixed up with success by a few.
Ravindra
Gregory Gull, Ph.D. wrote:
Dr. Smith,
What a nice principle to be mindful of each and every day. In those situations when I haven’t been true to this principle are those occasions where my self-doubt stopped me in my tracks. We must give our selves the opportunity to Be so that we can Become what we potentially are. Thank you Dr. Smith for reminding us to say yes to life.
Kathy, Thanks for the comment – well put. Giving yourself permission is such an important part of realizing the life that is there for you. Happy holidays, Dr. Smith
Kathy Holland wrote:
Dr. Smith…..
That was a really nice article. Yes, amazing how the many particles that make up our being work with each other. Giving oneself permission, for me at least, is to FINALLY recognize that to accept ‘no’ as an answer is completely and utterly unacceptable to me. I cannot see into the crystal ball as to my future other than hazy (general) ideas from my hopes and dreams. These can, and will, become a reality as a result of relationships and trust (hard work)….something I have never been afraid of and comes quite easy to me.
Merry Christmas!
Best,
Kathy
Melinda, thanks for the comment and for sharing a very personal experience. You make the point that ‘giving yourself permission’ is as important in private as in business life. A balanced life requires both. Dr. Smith
Melinda Sorensson wrote:
Actually, this is not as easy as it sounds, Dr. Smith. It is so much easier to be someone’s “baby”, whether the parent is a real parent or a spouse or a large corporation, we always want to be under the umbrella of someone or something. This way we can blame others for our miseries [I am smiling]. We are also bound by our cultural heritage.
I would like to give this as an example. Very recently, I called someone I am interested in more than as a business associate, FIRST. At the time I called, there was no answer and I had to leave a message. In my line of work, seeking funding for individuals or businesses, I make many many phone calls to strangers every week.
I literally felt like throwing up after hanging up. This kind of behaviour, initiating a contact to a man of romantic interest is NEVER done in the Philippines where I grew up. I had never done it. I had to overcome years and years of ingrained thought pattern in order to do it.
Personal empowerment, authentic empowerment, requires fearlessness. We should be taught it in school. After I made the decision not to throw up and collect myself, I actually felt very empowered! I had overcome years of programming.
It turned out that that person had wanted to be in touch with me as well, so it turned out for the best. So you can say I gave myself permission to “dance” and the dance is lovely after all.
Thank you for this essay.
Kind regards,
Melinda M. Sorensson,
SynechisCorp
http://hubpages.com/profile/msorensson
Amanda Fracanzani wrote:
I would say one faces this need every day of our lives, and thank goodness, it makes every day a new adventure! Change is the essence of life, not always are we ready for it, but essentially it is the only ingredient that gives us the opportunity to develop and know ourselves better. At 48 I can say I feel like a girl of 28 thanks to this approach in life, I hope this part of me never changes!!!