Coaching Engagements – The First Steps

Aug 122008

How I Find a Place to Start:

The first major question that a coach faces – before even deciding to take on an individual as a client – is ‘where is the best initial focus for the engagement?’ This is a very tricky area. For me, the basic criteria for a good beginning are that it …

starts with something that matters,
is focused on a behavior change that can be managed within a relatively short series of sessions,
involves the adoption of the new behavior which will produce significant results, and
will result in a clear demonstration of the benefits of intentionally managed change

Let me take these criteria in order. Whenever you begin by targeting a behavior which is self-sabotaging, you explicitly criticize the client – suggest that they are acting (sometimes stupidly) against their own self-interests and those of the people that they supposedly care about. This first step involves considerable risk and sometimes the client/coach relationship ends because of it. You are, after all, bringing into question fondly held beliefs about this person’s self-knowledge and reputation and role in the world. The truth is that you have to be ready to take that risk and sometimes, in the face of feigned indignity, to return the deposit, cancel the engagement and move on.

The important thing is to focus the initial sessions in a way that matters. (An old friend of some character used to tell people he’d just met “I would prefer that you don’t talk, but if you must talk at least have the common decency to prattle on about something that matters”.) I was always amazed at how frequently his visitors rose to the occasion and co-authored truly interesting conversations. (But that’s another story for another time)

The first important gift that the coach gives a client is the demonstrated courage to go into those inside places that the client has been hesitant to enter. Here I am reminded of an episode of Kung Fu. Kang was taken prisoner by a bully that maintained a pit full of rattlesnakes as a threat. He broke the power of the threat (and the bully) by jumping into the pit and walking across it. Confront the fear, not the individual that lives under its threat. The demystification of the “oh no – we don’t go there” is a gift of life-changing proportions and the gateway through which all successful efforts of behavior change must pass. To be able to show how that journey can be made without self-recrimination – but with healing and growth – is an even rarer gift.

Whatever the starting point, it must matter in the life and fortunes of the client. The initial sessions need to define the value of the coaching relationship and lead the client to want more – to see new vistas opening up – new futures as possible.

But ‘life changing’ is best left to the cumulative effects of an extended coaching relationship. It is critical that the initial sessions narrowly focus on a behavior change that can be managed within a relatively short time. I suspect that coaches who violate this requirement are often seen as having over hyped the benefits that coaching can bring. What is sad about this is that the benefits could probably have been generated – but not as instantly as the brochure, website and elevator speech leads one to believe.

Begin with a focus that is important enough to the client that they are at least slightly hesitant to enter upon it. Then define the program for the initial sessions in such a way as to attack a manageable challenge. Make sure that the objectives are clearly understood and constitute a set of goals that the client will commit to.

A physics professor of mine was fond of saying that “if you can’t measure it, it ain’t!” Although no longer true in particle physics or cosmology it is still and ever true in coaching. The importance and benefits of coaching results have to be clearly perceived by the client – particularly in the early months of an engagement.

The work is going to be hard (it gets easier) and the going slow (the pace picks up). The accumulating benefits resulting from painfully slogging through the swamp of one’s self-created-self-image are often the only comforting salves to be had. The engagement’s first set of negotiated goals have to involve the adoption of the new behavior which will produce relatively rapid, highly significant and measurable results.

Finally, it is important to remember that coaching is fundamentally about building a trusting relationship that facilitates real and enduring behavior change – behavior change which is both measurable and scalable. The results of the initial sessions should become a symbol of the benefits that intentionally managed change can bring to a client’s life experience. Later on the client and coach can lengthen out the stride and take on bigger challenges that require longer efforts – but in the beginning, when trust is being built – it is a good idea to stay with challenges that can be met and overcome within a couple of months.

Real Change Requires Real Change

High impact coaching of highly educated, mentally agile, and very literate people can be very rewarding – but there are some risks and down sides. One of the greatest risks is that the work with the client results in virtual rather than real change. As I said above, in effective coaching substance always trumps form. A second risk comes with the human tendency to attenuate effort after the first few days. I have had clients absolutely rave about a particular epiphany only to have them revert to old behaviors within a week or two. Short term endorphin highs do not constitute real change. The coach, not the client, is principally responsible for making sure that insights becomes habits.

[1] I don’t want to give you the impression that I am dismissing the value of the very human ability to forgive oneself for being human. Without such ability we are all far less human. But as the Oracle at Delphi says: “Nothing too much.” Along with “Know Thyself” – a potent proscription.

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