Dr. Earl R. Smith II

Because of my diverse interests I maintain two websites – www.dr-smith.com and www.ShoalnReef.com. I regularly receive blind e-mails from companies representing themselves as being in the search engine optimization business (I guess mine is one of the thousands of lucky randomly selected websites that they promise to make number one in Google). The e-mail is directed to an address they their software obviously picked up off the website and, upon contacting them (something I don’t do any more) it was clear that nobody has really looked at the website. When I press them on their value proposition, things get fuzzy real quick. My question is how much credence do you put in the SEO stuff? And what real evidence – I mean practical results that can stand the scrutiny of detailed analysis – can you point to that it is worth spending money on?

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Succession is a hot topic among people like me who serve on or build boards of directors. My question is, at what point in a corporation’s history do you think the board, in its role as fiduciary representatives of the shareholders, should insist on the formation of a succession committee and strict performance metrics for members of the senior management team?

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I am interested in how people find their way to the jobs that they do. How did you choose your profession? Or did it choose you? What factors were most important in deciding which way to go? How many times did you re-think and re-decide before you got to where you are today? How many ‘professions’ have you had? If you weren’t in your present profession, which one would you like to be in?

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We all engage in self-sabotaging behaviors – and struggle with the negative burdens of things we do over and over again. I am interested in stories about how people met and overcame those tendencies. How did you become aware of a self-sabotaging behavior? What was it like to realize that you were sabotaging your own interests? What made you decide to ‘take it on’ and try to overcome it? What did you try that didn’t work? What worked? Why do you think it worked? How is your life better after the ‘victory’?

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I have been asking a series of questions about self-sabotaging behaviors. The vast majority of the responses to all the questions have been very helpful. Now I wanted to ask about what you do when you see such behaviors. How do you decide when to report self-sabotaging behaviors? What are the key indicators that you look for that the behavior might do harm to the person exhibiting it? … to others around them? … to the organization or team? How serious does the behavior have to become before ‘I just walk away’ is no longer an option? When to you ‘out’ a ticking time bomb and how do you go about it?

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I have been asking a series of questions about self-sabotaging behaviors. The vast majority of the replies have been constructive and incredibly helpful. But there is one type of reply that is truly self-sabotaging and gives me pause – it involves a gratuitous insult of some kind. When I try to point out that the insult is counter to their interests the person tends to respond with more insults. In a recent exchange, when I asked for clarification of a response I received “If you don’t understand what I mean, then that is probably your problem.” When I pointed out that I found his reply mildly insulting I received “you think you know me enough to think that I am insulting you, which I am not” – as if to say “you don’t get to decide when you feel insulted, I do”.

My research indicates that most of these people are white, males in their late thirties to early fifties and consultants in either a one man or small operations. I would like to find a way to respond that adds value to their lives but haven’t so far. It is quite frustrating and maybe there is no way or it is not worth the effort. What are your suggestions?

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I encounter these people every now and then and wonder how you deal with them. They just don’t seem to understand how things work – what is acceptable behavior – what is the norm in the business space they are in. They constantly seem to be trying to imprint their own vision of how things should be on a process that is already well defined and generally accepted. They specialize in contradicting minutiae – moving the flatware around on the table - and seldom deliver substance to any process. Most of the time when they speak it is to say something that is either irrelevant or tangential to the matter at hand – but they try to take center stage with the distraction. How do you mange these people and why do you think they behave the way they do?

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I admit that this behavior really drives me nuts. I ran into it again yesterday. A fellow I met was explaining to me that he was always late because it kept the people who were waiting for him in their place – and besides, his time was far more valuable than theirs – and he was, after all, worth it. I asked him if he thought that he was insulting those people and he replied “not at all – the little people are lucky to meet with me at all – besides, even if I am, so what?” How would you deal with this kind of person?

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I was wondering how your past experiences with a person determine your willingness to help them. Let’s say you have a gem of an opportunity to pass out and you have more than one roughly equally qualified persons whom you could give it to. How would your past experiences with them guide your decision? Do you take friendship into consideration? How about whether they have done you a favor in the past or expressed gratitude for some help you have given them?

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After his enlightenment, Buddha was walking along a country road when he encountered a fellow traveler who marveled at his shining aspect. Are you a god, the person asked? No replied Buddha. Then a demon or a prophet? None of those either, was the reply. Then what are you, asked the traveler? I am awake, was the reply. A friend of mine just put the question to me and I want to share with you and get your thoughts. Call it unaware, unplugged, sleep walking, disconnected or situationally challenged – but the challenge is the same. Years passing unthinkingly. When you encounter them, how do you deal with people who are asleep?

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